My grandmother is always interested in the quality of my bowel movements. She calls them BMs. My grandmother goes to me, "So, did you have a nice BM?". And I am like totally embareassed because I had just had the most beautiful and life affirming BM of my life (you would have fallen in love with it. I thought about framing it, but I didn't.) and I am standing there in the middle of our living room with like 12 other people my parents had for dinner. I'm like, "Grandma! Why would you ask me such a thing?" And she's all like, "Duh! I can see your pants sagging." Then I got mad because she knows I am collecting them and I am waiting to put on a show when my collection is complete and she knows my collection isn't complete yet. She's just jealous because she hasn't made a BM in like 3 weeks. Plus, I was already mad because I found out that she has been sneaking into my bed at night and stealing my BMs for her own collection, just so people won't suspect that she hasn't been making her own in 3 weeks. So, I was like, "Fine! Tell everyone about my secret BM collection in my pants! You haven't made your own BM in 3 weeks and the only reason you have a BM to show people is because you stole mine when I was in bed at night." Then the 12 people that my parents had had for dinner were all like laughing and pointing all of their fingers at my grandmother. She was so busted. Then she yelled, "I do to so make my own BMs! I was just borrowing yours to make sure your BMs were good. I can't tell anymore since you don't keep your collection in your sock drawer like you used to." Then I realized that she was right and she just did it because she cares about me. Then we all held hands and I regailed them with detailed stories of my recent BMs. Afterwards she gave me back several BMs that she had stolen from my collection in my pants. I put them back in my pants and my grandmother and the 12 people my parents had had for dinner were happy.