Friday, July 28, 2006

A Nightmare in the Daytime

I don't know if it is just me but sometimes my boogers seem to take over the world. I wake up and there are brown boogers all over my bed, in my hair, and mysteriously on my fingers. My fingers are absolutely covered with them. I can hardly see my thumbnails too. One day I was so startled by all the boogeriness that I jumped out of bed in the middle of the night and ran into the living room where I had killed my girlfriend for having called it a family room. I hate that when people call a living room a family room. No, wait, I killed my family in the family room for calling it the living room. Wait. I forgot. They weren't my family, they were more boogers that were tricking me into thinking that my family room was a living room. Then when I remembered that, I got scared. So I ran into the family room instead. As I ran in there I noticed that the floor was all crunchy and stuff. More brown boogers, but the hard roley poley kind that kind of hurt your feet when they get stuck in your socks. I'm not scared of those kind. I am especially not scared of them because I know they will soon be boogerdust when Satan comes to reclaim their souls. Anyhow, I got an idea when I was doing my anti-booger jumping jacks on the couch in the family room. I knew Satan wasn't coming any time soon, partly because he only comes every other Tuesday, but also because he doesn't really exist. So, I decided to wage jihad on the brown boogers just like it says to do in the Koran, the ancient book of Chinese wisdom. I folded my couch and loveseat under my arm and took them into my bedroom where they don't usually belong but this time I think they DID belong there because it was a jihad that I was in the middle of. I went in with a look of consternation (which looks almost the same as constipation. Did you ever notice that? Don't answer me because I can't hear you. I wrote this way before you read it, so I can't write back and have a conversation because I am not here now. I only used to be.) Then I used my couch to wipe up the brown boogers that were everywhere. First I wiped my fingers off in between the cushions and on the side and on the bottom and on the back of the couch. Then I rubbed the couch every place except for the ceiling. The couch was too heavy to reach the ceiling so that is what I knew I would need the loveseat for. At first I didn't know why the boogers seemed to reappear shortly after I would wipe the ceiling. Then I realized that I had to turn the fan off because they were still flinging around on the top of the walls. Finally at about 8:26 in the morning I finally got all the boogers under control finally. Then I went to the doctor and he told me I have a dingle berry problem.


Anonymous Eye Pod said...


July 28, 2006 9:53 PM  
Anonymous Eye Pod said...


July 28, 2006 9:54 PM  

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